There are many things I could say, some that I might, others that I probably won't, but for the moment here is something I penned out at my desk in one of the days following the big Tohoku earthquake when it seemed that the world was coming apart, the plates were quivering in the anticipation of another big one, radiation was in the air, the waves were crashing down and carrying people out to sea and in general things seemed pretty fragile. Life seems real precious when it's fragile, and that was a feeling that I didn't want to lose even after things went back to normal.
So, what am I going to take from this? If this isn't a life-changing event then what is?
We love people whose lives are in danger, we care for people who have lost big, our hearts go out to those in crisis, and we should, right? We rise above everything when we do, but if we had seen those same people a day earlier, of course, we wouldn't have felt a thing. Just, you know... people you don't know.
Why?
We think we've got issues, go problems, go all sorts of challenges we've got to face but when a massive earthquake hits and a tidal wave washes our homes away we realize that all the other stuff was real little after all.
Why?
When we rebuild our homes will our insignificant problems crop back up? When things go back to normal will we go back to passing those people up North as if they're just random people on the street? Sure, they probably will, and we probably will. It's the way we're are.
But does it have to be?
Tragedies can bring out the absolute best in humans beings, if human beings caring and selflessly helping other human beings is the best they can do. I just wish it didn't have to take a tragedy. When some natural disaster levels cities our boundaries go down with them and we feel free to love and give and fear and worry and pray and care and express the simple, natural, in-born compassion of one person to another person at full blast. In these scenarios, you can't help it. Because someone else has a real need, then I feel it's ok for me to get down to them on the realest of levels.
When someone is stripped of all the labels of everyday society they go back to just being a simple, human being like you, like me, and that fundamentally exposed identity is one we can interact with on such a meaningful level. Just that simple connection is enough to make you feel so good, to give without wanting something back, to be an agent of positivity in the world. To be real.
Why can't we strip away all the bullshit by ourselves? This earthquake has shown me that it's there, so why can't I strip it away by myself? I want to create a world where you can get down on somebody's level just like that, stay there, and make something special happen? How? Where there's a will, there's a way. It's time to lose the bullshit and keep it off.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Thoughts on Daniel Bachuber's Thoughts on TKE Initiation at Whitman
The other day an expose-esque article on TKE initiation ran in the Whitman newspaper and it got me thinking about my fraternity experience. Then a familiar name from my past, Daniel Bachuber, posted his own article about Initiation and I got to thinking and to talking and then eventually to writing. I don't really feel it necessary to address any of his specific points, some of his facts are correct, some of them are not, others are partially correct but significantly incorrect. Doesn't matter. There was a point in time when I would have agreed with a lot of the stuff he wrote. That time is in the past however. I wrote a comment on his blog and he posted it, to his credit. Still, this was something that I had to work out for myself and so I've reprinted my conclusions below.
Hi Daniel, my name is Chad Frisk and having also participated in TKE initiation at Whitman and felt many of the same things you did I thought I would reply and offer my take on the process.
As I'm sure most Whitman students can identify with, I came into the school with a very negative view of fraternity life formed out of the nebulous haze of popular opinion, rumor, and the topic's depiction in the social media. As you might expect becoming a frat boy and pinning upon myself all of the accompanying labels was pretty unappealing for me. However, I did the rush stuff and for the most part what I actually saw of the fraternities at Whitman bore surprisingly little resemblance to the arrogant asshole image I had built up in my mind and was so resistant towards.
I was still pretty troubled about joining a fraternity but when the time came I made a snap decision to participate in Initiation, even though I hadn't committed myself enough to the house to feel like I belonged there or to get a clear enough image of what the people there were really about. I went, and I really really really hated it. At the time it might have been the worst few days of my life. I had spent a semester battling violently with my preconceptions of what a fraternity was, and having made a very tenuous peace with that decided to dive in only to have that equilibrium immediately shattered as you do experience things that SEEM to be motivated by all the senseless disrespect and meaningless hazing you hear about from fraternities at big schools.
I finished Initiation because I viewed it as a battle of will-power that I would not lose, but I did nothing to see the value behind the stress itself or to admit the really objectively positive moments embedded throughout the whole thing. My fragile trust had been broken and from that moment forth I refused to see the process for what was actually going on, and instead, in a self-righteous, never-been-through-an-actually-tough-time-in-my-life sort of way, I chose to fit it to the negative narratives I had devised in my own head.
Years have passed and having been through it multiples times on each side, I have slowly, slowly, every so grudgingly slowly revised my opinion of the process itself and what I was once convinced was a meaningless charade of wanton disrespect and degradation now shines out as an undeniably positive moment where I overcame a challenge the likes of which I had never seen, the intensity of which I have never seen since. I'm really grateful for the guys who put me through that and gave me those references. I now believe there is no thing as an intrinsically bad experience, only intrinsically neutral ones that we paint with our own values and opinions.
If I had never been through Initiation at the TKE house at Whitman College I would be an appreciably weaker and less complete person that I am today. I'm sorry that it hasn't meant the same thing for you, it's certainly not for everyone and I identify with where you're coming from. If you'd like to talk more about I would love to share. Thank you for putting my post up and keeping the dialog open and honest.
Hi Daniel, my name is Chad Frisk and having also participated in TKE initiation at Whitman and felt many of the same things you did I thought I would reply and offer my take on the process.
As I'm sure most Whitman students can identify with, I came into the school with a very negative view of fraternity life formed out of the nebulous haze of popular opinion, rumor, and the topic's depiction in the social media. As you might expect becoming a frat boy and pinning upon myself all of the accompanying labels was pretty unappealing for me. However, I did the rush stuff and for the most part what I actually saw of the fraternities at Whitman bore surprisingly little resemblance to the arrogant asshole image I had built up in my mind and was so resistant towards.
I was still pretty troubled about joining a fraternity but when the time came I made a snap decision to participate in Initiation, even though I hadn't committed myself enough to the house to feel like I belonged there or to get a clear enough image of what the people there were really about. I went, and I really really really hated it. At the time it might have been the worst few days of my life. I had spent a semester battling violently with my preconceptions of what a fraternity was, and having made a very tenuous peace with that decided to dive in only to have that equilibrium immediately shattered as you do experience things that SEEM to be motivated by all the senseless disrespect and meaningless hazing you hear about from fraternities at big schools.
I finished Initiation because I viewed it as a battle of will-power that I would not lose, but I did nothing to see the value behind the stress itself or to admit the really objectively positive moments embedded throughout the whole thing. My fragile trust had been broken and from that moment forth I refused to see the process for what was actually going on, and instead, in a self-righteous, never-been-through-an-actually-tough-time-in-my-life sort of way, I chose to fit it to the negative narratives I had devised in my own head.
Years have passed and having been through it multiples times on each side, I have slowly, slowly, every so grudgingly slowly revised my opinion of the process itself and what I was once convinced was a meaningless charade of wanton disrespect and degradation now shines out as an undeniably positive moment where I overcame a challenge the likes of which I had never seen, the intensity of which I have never seen since. I'm really grateful for the guys who put me through that and gave me those references. I now believe there is no thing as an intrinsically bad experience, only intrinsically neutral ones that we paint with our own values and opinions.
If I had never been through Initiation at the TKE house at Whitman College I would be an appreciably weaker and less complete person that I am today. I'm sorry that it hasn't meant the same thing for you, it's certainly not for everyone and I identify with where you're coming from. If you'd like to talk more about I would love to share. Thank you for putting my post up and keeping the dialog open and honest.
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